OK, you’ve read your latest issue of The Bridge cover to cover. Now what? Do you just toss is in the trash? Of course not. Never in the trash! Your free, independent, and local newspaper has more value than that.
The Bridge is free, independent, local, and recyclable. Toss it in a recycling bin and let it become new paper. The Bridge is also free, independent, local, and combustible. Use it as tinder to start your woodstove, fireplace, or campfire. But that’s a no-brainer. What are some other uses?
The Bridge is free, independent, local, and absorbent. Housebreaking puppies comes to mind. Or lining your cat litter box. You can even use it to housebreak a pet rabbit. It can be used to line the bottom of a birdcage. Or use it as a boot mat in your mudroom for snowy or rainy days.
What about composting it? Yes, you can compost The Bridge as long as you shred it. What about the ink? Rest assured that The Bridge is free, independent, local, and nontoxic. If you compost it, just remember to add an equal amount of “green” material to your compost in addition to The Bridge’s “brown” material.
Don’t forget The Bridge is free, independent, local, and weed-proof. Use it as mulch around your garden plants to prevent weed growth.
The Bridge is free, independent, local, and expressive. Mix shreds or strips with glue or plaster of Paris to make papier mache, then harness your inner artist to build your own replica of the new Ceres statue on the capitol dome.
The Bridge is free, independent, local, and sturdy. Use it to make a paper party hat. See how at lifestyle.howstuffworks.com/crafts/paper-crafts/paper-hats3.htm.
Be prepared for Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept. 19, 2019). Make a paper hat (see above) from The Bridge, then draw a skull and crossbones on it and learn to say “Arrgh!”
Protect yourself from alien brain waves. Use The Bridge to make a paper hat (see above), then cover it with aluminum foil.
Under no circumstances, however, should you eat The Bridge or feed it to animals. The Bridge is free, independent, and local, but it is not nutritious, except for your mind.